Anchors Aweigh



On November 23rd, we celebrated the anniversary of our baby girl getting her wings. Taylor Grace has now been in Heaven, alive and healed, for four years.

This day is the hardest day of the year for me, but it's also the only day that I truly let myself feel the weight of losing her. I am a firm believer that you can't spend your whole life grieving, but on this day every year, I let myself feel as sad and angry and heartbroken as I want.

This year, her birthday fell on the day after Thanksgiving. We have a little morning tradition that we have done every year since she went to Heaven. We wake up, light a candle on a cupcake, and sing her "Happy Birthday". I have never made it through that short "Happy Birthday" song without crying, but it is one of my favorite family traditions that we have, and as long as I live, I will always sing her "Happy Birthday" on November 23rd.

It's crazy that four years have passed. I remember everything about losing her. It's funny how much we forget in our daily lives, especially now that mom brain has taken over, but I can recount November 23rd and the few days following it to a tee. I don't think that will ever change. I've never felt closer to God but farther from people than I did in those few days. It was an indescribable week but the most faith-affirming time of my life.

Four years later, I still miss her. She would be 3.5 years old. I still think about what her life would have been like. I still cry on Sunday mornings in worship because that's the day her heart stopped beating. But, life goes on. The pain of missing her will never completely go away, but the promise that I get to meet her and hold her in Heaven is enough to make me smile. Loss is so temporary compared to an eternity in Heaven, and if I didn't have that promise to hold onto, losing her would have been unbearable.

Happy four years in Heaven, angel girl. I love you so so much.

What Would You Grab In A Fire?

Happy Monday! I used to dread Mondays a little bit more than I do now. Sure, it's nice to be off work on the weekends and to have Parker home, but you can't truly unwind and relax when you live with a one year old. ;) Basically, Monday isn't so bad when you have the same responsibility 24/7/365!

Today's writing prompt is simple and probably way overdone, but I always think it's an interesting question. If your house was on fire and you had 30 seconds to grab something, what would you grab?

Assume the obvious is out safely... husband, kids, pets. Obviously, we would all grab our children and our animals, but what you grab next is where I think it gets interesting. I thought a lot about what I would grab if my house were going up in flames, and I came up with one thing that I would really want to save.

Preston's baby book.

This book is where I recorded all of his milestones from the first year, when he got each tooth, what foods he liked, what we did during the day... it holds everything that I want to remember. Some of those details are committed to memory, but many of them will only exist in this book as the years pass on. If I lost this book and those carefully recorded memories and moments, I would be so sad.

I actually took a picture of each page right before we moved just in case the Navy decided to lose it. It arrived in tact, but I am glad I took the pictures as a back up! Even so, if I had 30 seconds to save something from a fire, I would save this book.

And after the book, if I had another 10 seconds to spare, I would grab my wallet and car keys since we all know replacing car keys/credit cards/IDs is a major pain. For convenience sake, I would definitely love to save myself the agony and grab my wallet and car keys.

If my house were truly going up in flames, everything is replaceable except for Parker, Preston, and Jenny. Getting them out safely is all I would truly need. Everything else (even that coveted baby book) would be icing on the cake.

And if you're interested, I have the CR Gibson 5 Year Memory Book and LOVE it! It has the monthly milestone pages and different pages to record birthdays, daily schedules, shots, baby showers, announcements, etc. I will use this book for any baby we bring home! There's even a section to write about the grandparents and the story of mom and dad!

If you had 30 seconds and anything with a heartbeat was already out, what would you grab in a fire?


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