Three | Anchors Aweigh



November 23rd is easily the most emotional day of the year for me. It is the day my baby girl went to Heaven. I still remember November 23, 2014 like it was yesterday. We were living in Norfolk, VA, and I had listened to our daughter's heartbeat the night before with my doppler. She had hung on for one more day, and I was grateful. 

November 23, 2014 was a Sunday. We went to church that morning, and I don't remember what we were singing, but I remember being very emotional during worship. I was holding my small, pregnant belly when I looked up with tears in my eyes and said "God, thank you for this gift. I give her back to you when you are ready". When we went to check her heartbeat that night, it was gone. She was gone. 

I am finally to the point now where I can type that without crying. I have written and told it so many times, but I still do get emotional sometimes when I think about what could have been. She would be 2 and a half now, full of personality and ideas all her own. Knowing I will never get a life here on earth with her is still just as painful as it was the day I found out she was gone. I will always mourn what could have been, no matter how many children I have or how much time passes. 

November 23rd fell on Thanksgiving this year. The two previous years, November 23rd has been a really hard day for me. I feel numb and almost dead inside on this day every year, so I assumed that is how I would feel this year too. I woke up feeling empty thinking of Taylor but full knowing I got to celebrate her life with my baby boy for the first time. We were in Texas with family, but I wanted to celebrate with my little crew before the hustle and bustle of the day ensued. It ended up being a really sweet time. Like every year, we sang happy birthday and blew out a candle on a cupcake. This year was really special because it was the first year Preston was with us to celebrate his sister in Heaven. I held him close and just felt thankful for the journey. I will always miss her, and I will always love her, but I know she is in Heaven watching over her brother here on earth, and I know as soon as I get to Heaven, I am never letting go of her. Another year has passed. We love you, Taylor Grace. We love you so much.

1 comment :

Jen said...

I can't believe it's been 3 years. Sending lots of love your way!


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