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Our Love Languages

We've all heard about the 5 love languages, right? It's a book based on the principle that we all give and receive love differently, and what one person needs is not the same as the next. I admittedly have not read the book, so I won't speak too in depth about it, but Parker and I have talked a lot about our love languages throughout our marriage.



The five love languages are: acts of service, physical touch, words of affirmation, quality time, and gifts. 

Parker is an affectionate guy, and we both knew pretty quickly into the conversation that his love language was physical touch. He loves to cuddle on the couch or hold my hand or give me a hug, so physical touch seemed like the obvious choice for him. It wasn't until about a year or so ago that I had an epiphany and realized physical touch wasn't Parker's primary love language. Sure, the guy loves to be close, but the love language he most gives is words of affirmation. He's constantly complimenting me, and he loves it when I stop and tell him that he looks handsome or that he's funny or that he did a good job.

Unfortunately, words of affirmation is not my love language, so I have to consciously make sure I am giving that to Parker. It's always nice to hear nice things, but I care much more about the time someone gives to someone else. Parker and I realized early on in our relationship that my love language was quality time. I think someone taking time out of their day to spend it with you is the ultimate compliment and what builds relationships.

Ironically, a few months ago, we realized my love language is not quality time, but it's actually acts of service. I do love quality time, but what I really love is when Parker does something nice for me. Clean the kitchen, take our son so I can go relax for a few minutes, etc... that's what keeps me the happiest! It's also the love language I like to give.

I feel like the love languages talk is one that should be brought up again and again in marriages. I mean, in our mere 7 year marriage, we have both already switched love languages. Our love languages aren't the same, which makes it fun but it also means we both have to make an effort to give the other what they need. I don't care as much about compliments, but he does. He doesn't care as much about someone making him lunch or doing the dishes, but I do.

Marriage is the ultimate adventure, and I am a firm believer that knowing your partner's love language and knowing your own proves invaluable over the course of time.

So tell me, what is your love language?

4 comments :

Josephine said...

My primary love language was always physical touch... until I had my son. Now, what I want most is acts of service! I think it’s so easy for new moms to feel overwhelmed with so much to do that a little help is extra appreciated. I have heard it’s common to for young moms to score artificially higher on act of service.

Bailey @ Becoming Bailey said...

Mine is definitely words of affirmation and Andy's is physical touch!

Jen said...

I am definitely words of affirmation! I have always been that way and Kyle's is physical touch. It definitely makes things easier when you know this about your partner.

Lisa said...

I had a similar epiphany about love languages. You not only have to know your spouse's; you need to make the effort to engage in their love language. That was a pretty eye-opening realization almost seven years into marriage.

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