Thankful

Last week was a whirlwind of the very best kind. I just love Thanksgiving. I am definitely guilty of skipping ahead to Christmas when the calendar hits November 1st, but Thanksgiving Day is still something I absolutely love celebrating. It doesn't get much better than family and food!

Wednesday was November 23rd, which is the day in 2014 that Taylor Grace went to be with Jesus. Last year, it was the hardest day of the year for me. I have never felt so emotionally disconnected from the world as I did that day, and I knew it was going to be hard this year too. Last year, I was completely by myself, so I was really able to feel the weight of what that day meant to me. This year, I knew I would be surrounded by both mine and Parker's families. I am not really one to grieve in public and want everyone around me to be happy, so I decided not to remind anyone what day it was. Obviously Parker knew, and I had multiple conversations with Danielle about how anxious I was to be around so many people on a day that was so hard last year, so she knew as well. 

I woke up that morning and immediately Facetimed Parker. We sang Happy Birthday to Taylor Grace and blew out a "2" candle for her second birthday. We did the same thing last year with a "1" candle, and it's one of my favorite traditions for our sweet angel. 

When I walked downstairs, I found a bouquet of white roses on the counter with this note. Tears on tears on tears. Danielle wrote a note from 2 month old Emmett to his cousin Taylor. So sweet.

I spent the rest of Wednesday with my Phelps family, and it was a really sweet time seeing all of them. I am thankful for inlaws and family that embrace me even when Parker is away. Taylor was still in the back of my mind, but I was able to really enjoy my time with them. Love them very much!

Thursday was turkey day! Oh Thanksgiving dinner, how I love you. My family does a big Thanksgiving lunch which I love because it means I get to eat earlier! It also means I usually eat the leftovers for dinner... win win win ;). 

The day was spent with good old-fashioned family time. And these days, that means obsessing over my sweet nephew. He is one loved little boy!

Auntie Natalie was hanging out with her pupper nephews, and the next thing I saw was this little train of cuteness. It's a ruff life over there for Jenny and her cousin Sully. 

Eating for two on Thanksgiving was not something to complain about! I did have terrible indigestion that night, but at least I earned it! I found my belly doubles nicely for a table. Look mom, no hands!

 My immediate family. Just missing my sweet husband, but this was the first year we had baby Emmett with us! So thankful for them. Family is everything, yall.

  I hope you all had a very Happy Thanksgiving with the ones you love!

Dear Taylor | 2 Years Later

Dear Taylor Grace,

Today is November 23, 2016. This means you have now been in Heaven for 2 whole years. How is that possible? In some ways it feels like just yesterday that you were growing inside me, and in others, it feels like a lifetime ago. I hate that. 

Reflecting back on year 2 of knowing you are There instead of here, many things haven't changed. I still remember you every single day. Not a day goes by that I don't think about my sweet daughter in Heaven, and I think the hardest part is knowing what could have been. I so desperately wanted to raise you, hold you, and mother you, and I still do. 

Being pregnant with your baby brother hasn't made me miss you less. He will grow up knowing he has a big sister watching over him, and one of the things I am most looking forward to is hearing him say your name for the first time. 

Losing you wrecked me, changed, me, and taught me more than anything ever has. I still wouldn't take any of it back. Of course I wish you would have been healed while still inside me, but I have never for a second regretted our journey with you. I am so, so thankful God chose me to be your mom. I still smile when I think about what a fighter you were. I've talked to so many nurses and doctors, and carrying a baby with triploidy halfway through the pregnancy is unheard of. I've never met a doctor who has seen a baby with your condition make it as far as you did. The 18 weeks 5 days I had with you (possibly more since our dating was likely off) were the greatest gift. 

Today is the day your dad and I celebrate your life. We will light a candle, put it on a big birthday cupcake, and sing you "Happy Birthday" just like we did last year. The only thing that makes this day bearable is knowing I get eternity with you. When I finally get There, I am holding you close and never letting go. Happy 2nd birthday in Heaven, little girl! I love you angel baby. 

Love, Mom