Guest Post: Needing God During Deployment

I am so excited to have Lydia from The Few, The Proud, and This Marine Wife taking over my blog for the day. I have loved getting to know her. She is just a few steps ahead of me in this military journey, so she has been such a wonderful encouragement and example to me. Take it away, Lydia!

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Hi there! My name is Lydia, and I blog over at “The Few, The Proud, and This Marine Wife.” I’m a lifestyle blogger, so I write about a variety of things: my life as a military wife, motherhood, and my favorite, DIY projects and crafts. Thank you so much to Chelsea for letting me take over her blog today! I feel privileged to be writing here and sharing my heart with you!

Any military spouse will tell you that nothing can adequately prepare you for the separation of training and deployment, except for the separation itself. Oh, there are the deployment workshops and meetings that lead up to the impending moment. Other military wives will give you tips for how to wade through the darkness of the separation that deployment brings. Family will offer up encouraging words and hands to help, but those are still not enough to prepare you.

Despite all the help and support, my heart was not prepared for deployment. I went to all the workshops. I surrounded myself with family. But, I still felt like a fish out of water. When I watched my husband get on the bus that would begin his seven-month stint in Afghanistan, my heart sank. I clung to our 2-month old baby and thought, Now what?

I’ve been a believer for many years, and I knew God would be my strength through that deployment. But, I didn’t realize how big of a role He would play. On that lonely car ride back to our mostly packed up, partly empty apartment, I whispered a simple prayer, “God, please help me.” Every imaginable emotion flooded my heart. I felt lonely, despite our new baby sleeping soundly in his car seat behind me. I felt scared. I felt anxious. I had just said goodbye to the love of my life, and I didn’t know if it was going to be our last. I knew he was going to be facing dangers unimaginable to me. I knew there was a possibility of him getting wounded or worse, dying. I couldn’t let myself dwell on these thoughts or else they would overwhelm me.

The first few weeks went by quickly, as I packed up our apartment and travelled to my parents’ home to spend the deployment there. I knew that I needed to have family around me, especially since I was a new mom and was venturing this path for the first time. I stayed busy. Busyness became my ultimate helper until one long and lonely night. I stayed up late in bed and broke down in tears. I sobbed uncontrollably. It had been nearly two weeks since I had last heard from my husband. Whenever I did hear from him, it was usually a short conversation that always cut in and out because of their satellite phones being in horrible condition. Fear racked my heart.  I don’t know if I can do this life alone, I thought.

Then, a still small voice pierced the loneliness of my thoughts. You’re not alone, the voice said, I am here. I took a deep breath and a fullness filled my heart. No, I didn’t hear an actual voice, but it was as tangible to me as if I had actually heard it. God was reminding me of His presence. He was reminding me how not alone I was. I knew I needed God during deployment. I’ve always needed God in my life. He is my strength and my comfort. But, I didn’t realize how much I needed Him. Curled up in the fetal position, with tears streaming down my face, I could think of only one verse: “When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and through the rivers they will not sweep over you. When you walk through the fire, you will not be burned; neither will the flame kindle upon you” (Isaiah 43:2). I whispered that verse out loud over and over again. I was passing through the waters of loneliness and swimming in the rivers of uncertainty. I was walking through the fire of fear and feeling the flames of depression. But in all this, God was with me. He never left me, and I needed Him more than ever.

Peace swept over my heart. This wasn’t going to be the last night of facing these emotions, but I knew I could have a peace that passed all understanding. God was holding me and hiding me in the shelter of His loving hands. All I needed to do was trust. I needed to trust that no matter what happened, He was Sovereign. I needed to trust that He was going to protect my husband but that if something happened to him, God had a divine purpose in all of it. I needed to let God carry my fears. I needed God’s peace to overwhelm my soul. I needed to remind myself that God is divine and that this was only a season. I would see my husband again, whether it was on earth at the end of deployment or in the glory of heaven. I would see him again and there was and still is always hope in that. I needed that reminder. Above all the help I had, I needed God.