How I Felt God Preparing Me For This Journey | Anchors Aweigh

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How I Felt God Preparing Me For This Journey

Well, I am a few hours out of surgery and at home recovering, so now seems like just as good of a time as any to write a blog post. Please excuse any grammatical errors. In all seriousness, today was the surgery I needed to have to get Taylor's body out of mine. Parker and I have been dreading it, but we know she has been in Heaven for 9 days now (10 when this post gets published), and this is just something that had to be done.

Today was sort of the final piece of the puzzle to complete before we can learn how to live life while Taylor Grace is in Heaven and begin to heal. I am thankful to be through it on the other side. I look down at my stomach and can see that I am officially not pregnant with her anymore. Yesterday, I had to pick up prescriptions, and the receptionist asked if I was pregnant as she went over the medication instructions. I opened my mouth to say "yes" and then closed it again. I had to say "no", and it was the first time I have said "no" to that question in 5 months. 

Parker and I have both been fairly open about the fact that we feel like we went on this journey for a reason. I really believe God chose the two of us to bring glory to His name through Taylor's story, and we have tried to let Him speak through us as best we can. I've said that we have never, ever felt abandoned by Him throughout this journey. He has felt so present and so near. In the days leading up to learning she might have a chromosomal abnormality, I felt like God was preparing my heart for the journey. 

Worship music just really makes my heart happy, and it was always playing on our way to those heartbreaking doctor's appointments. I received a phone call on a Monday that our daughter had elevated risks for Trisomy 18, 1:10 to be exact. We were scheduled for an ultrasound that Friday to look for the soft markers. It was probably the longest week of our lives, but I continued to play the song "That's What Faith Can Do" by Kutless on repeat. It gave me hope that everything would be okay, if I could just stay faithful. It's an older song, so it doesn't come on the radio as often. On our drive that Friday to our appointment, it was one of the first songs that played. Right after it, "Overcomer" by Mandisa played. At that moment, I knew God was telling me that something was in fact wrong, but He was going to hold my hand every step of the way.

One of the first things I do in the morning is read my Bible verse of the day on my phone. That Friday, the day we found out our baby had every soft marker in the book for a chromosomal abnormality, the verse that came up was Jeremiah 29:11.

"For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you a future and a hope."- Jeremiah 29:11

This has been my favorite verse since I was a little girl. My sister read it at our wedding. It's displayed in multiple places throughout my home. Again, I knew God was telling me Taylor Grace's life would be very different from the one I had hoped for, but His plans for us and for her were perfectly drawn out according to His will.

The days are not easy. I wish more than anything that I was still carrying our baby girl. I wish God would have chosen to use us in a different way, but His plans are perfect and far beyond what we can imagine. I don't regret anything. I am so thankful God handpicked us to be her parents. I am so thankful that I got to carry her for 18.5 weeks. I am so thankful for the promise that I will meet her some day. 

God may have chosen me for a journey that I never thought I would go on, but He also prepared me and has guided me through every single step. I am so thankful to have a Father that loves His children so much. In this world we will have trouble, but take heart, He has overcome the world. 

My last bumpdate shot with sweet baby girl. Two days shy of 19 weeks, God brought her home. So thankful that we documented and have these to look back on!


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29 comments :

Elizabeth T said...

Chelsea, I wish I could reach out and give you a huge hug. Your faith is an inspiration to me. Please know that you and Parker are in my prayers. <3

Kate at Green Fashionista said...

*Hugs* sweet girl, I'm in awe of how strong you've been through all this. You guys will continue to be in my prayers ;-)

Emily said...

Hugs and prayers for you friend. I'm so glad you are a believer and can lean on Christ during this time. He's got this!

Iulia Gulia said...

You really are a Godly woman and your writing is such an encouragement. Praying for you during this time.

Ladonna said...

Hugs. God has been glorified through you as you point others to Him when you go through the trials.

Aishlea said...

I'm just blown away by your faithfulness and attitude, even though your heart is broken beyond comprehension. Many prayers have been said for you over the past week!!

Lauren @ Lot Forty Eight said...

You are amazing. I pray for you morning and night and sent you a Card through bailey

Jen said...

You are absolutely amazing!

Amy said...

tears.
just tears.
i am so humbled by the grace you & parker have carried through this season.
Taylor Grace was truly a blessing to both of you, and to all of us.
i pray for healing, for comfort, and for the joy of the Lord to fully envelope both of you.

The Life You Love said...

Crying again. Your faith and your positivity are beyond beautiful. As you know, I have always struggled with religion and I've never been sure what I believe in. Reading posts in which you share your unconditional trust and love is inspirational. Taylor Grace was and is such a blessing for you, and it has really made me reconsider how life marches on and how bloggers live. Thank you for sharing these details with us, and for being so brace.

Emily Stewart said...

Just beautiful, friend. Your faith throughout all of this is inspiring to me and I am so blessed to call you one of my best friends. I admire yours and Parker's strength so much. The Lord is working through you and it's such a beautiful thing to see. Love you! xoxo

Bailey Kay said...

Praying for you and Parker! Every time I think of Jeremiah 29:11 it reminds me of you. I was at the Christian bookstore recently and something reminded me of that verse. It reminded me that God is taking care of you and sweet Taylor Grace. I can't imagine how much harder it would be if you didn't have God to rely on.

Elizabeth said...

You are in my thoughts and prayers. Jeremiah 29:11 is such a wonderful verse to help you pull through tough times with your faith still intact and unharmed. My father read it at my wedding also because it's always been known as my favorite. That verse can set any situation for the better. Your faith through this trying time has become an inspiration for many. God bless you and your husband!

kelly forbes said...

I dont have many words. Just tears. Your faith is so unreal.

Janelle Vannice said...

You are such an inspiration. I really hope that others who are going through the same thing have found your blog posts from Googling... I'm sure your experience and your faith will help so many people along the way!

AnchoredNLove said...

Chelsea, your inspiration is so incredibly inspiring to me. As well as your faith and trust in the Lord. My prayers go out to you and Parker.

I know in my heart he will send you another angel when you are ready and once you've healed completely. And this time you will be able to tell it about its older sister Taylor Grace.

Hugs to you both.

Becca Evans said...

I have had two miscarriages recently early on but I still can't imagine the heartache of this far along. Keeping a positive attitude will definitely help heal. I have had some hard times recently dealing with the sadness. I have listened to the song "It Is Well" by Bethel Music and Kristene DiMarco.

Keep strong.

+Becca
http://rpointer-revans.blogspot.com/

Ashley said...

Your faith is so inspiring. Sending you hugs and prayers!

Stephanie said...

I'm a truly humbled by your unwavering faith. You and Parker are truly inspiring. Even if we disagree, God's plans are always made perfectly for us. Even in her short 18.5 weeks of life, your baby girl had a great purpose.

Anna-bird said...

We lost our first baby (Joseph Isaac) at 17 weeks, and your posts have reminded me of those first weeks adjusting to him not being here with us. I also clung to Jeremiah 29:11...there is so much peace in His truth! Your family is in my prayers.

www.anna-bird.com

Carly Blogs Here said...

I don't think there are enough words to describe how I feel about this post and everything you've encountered. Not only are you so strong, but you're such an inspiration & a reminder of how great our God really is. <3

Rachel Lynn said...

Chelsea,

You sound so ok...I know you're probably not. Just having my baby a few months ago, I remember the pains, scares, and joys of pregnancy. I am so sad for you and Parker, but absolutely encouraged and astounded at your poise and praise. I can't imagine having lost my son, just thinking about it and reading your post brought me to tears. I know God has a plan and I'm glad you're recovering well. *prayers and hugs lady!*

Grandma Pat said...

Chelsea, The love and faith that you and Parker share is inspiring, beautiful and obviously God-given. Lots of love from Florida.

Sarah Gadberry said...

I just came across your blog, and I am truly heartbroken for you and everyone in your family. One of my mom's very close friend, her son and daughter-in-law, just lost their baby. I would love to share your blog with them, so they know they aren't alone in this. Thank you for sharing your story, and I am praying for peace and comfort for you.

Jenny @ Creatively Blooming said...

You and Parker are such an inspiration. God is definitely working though y'all.

Hana R said...

You are such a strong girl!! Your attitude in your blog posts coupled with your complete faith in God is so inspiring. Taylor grace is one lucky little girl to have you and Parker as her parents!

Melzie at Ribbons and Rotor Blades said...

I really don't have words for you to help you through this time. You have God and Parker and there is nothing better than that.
You are a true inspiration and I admire how you've handled all of this. Thank you for sharing your story with us all. Taylor Grace is lucky to have you as her Mommy and I love that with our faith, we know it's not goodbye forever.

Melissa said...

I'm sorry it's taken me so long to comment on this, Chelsea and Parker, but I wanted to let you know how powerful, beautiful and wonderful your faith is. Sweet Taylor will be an amazing angel sister to her future siblings, and you WILL make amazing parents, as well. Many hugs and prayers to you in this time <3

Malia Lilinoe said...

Prayers to you and your family, I am so sorry to hear about this. You are so strong!

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