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Talking About Taylor

I read a post earlier in the week on the lovely Best of Baby blog about how people are in the habit of not asking certain questions when it comes to new parenting. Her perspective on how we should share in the ups and downs as a community got me thinking. I realized the same logic can be applied to the journey I am going through. There is a certain social stigma when tragedy strikes a family: don't talk about it. Don't remind them of the pain they have been through, and change the subject to a happier, problem-free discussion if the tragedy is brought up. I guess this is fine, and it probably makes others more comfortable, but personally, I dislike it. 

My pregnancy brought on the greatest pain I have ever experienced in my life. I am still experiencing it. But guess what? It also brought me the greatest joy I've ever felt. I didn't know it was possible to love someone so completely and so wholly that I had never met, but I did. I loved our little Taylor Grace so fiercely, and I still do. I always will. The last thing I want to do is pretend like she didn't happen. 

Everyone handles grief differently. For some, it is easier to focus on happy things and keep tragedy out of the conversation. That is fine, and there is no right or wrong way to do grief. There's no manual to follow when navigating an unexpected journey like this. For me though, I want to talk about Taylor. I want to reflect on my pregnancy with her. Parker and I speak about her every day. It's not like we sit down and say "Okay, time to talk about Taylor", but she comes up frequently in casual conversation. Of course it makes us sad sometimes, but the thought of her running around in Heaven playing with all of the other angel babies brings laughter and smiles as well. 

I realize that I don't have a baby in the flesh, but I do have a baby in Heaven that I got to carry on this earth for 18.5 weeks. She was a person, and I want to talk about her forever. I hope we have many healthy children in the years to come, but Taylor Grace will always be our first child. She will always be our first daughter. She will always be the older sister in Heaven to her siblings. 

We received her footprint and handprint yesterday. They aren't perfect because she was just so tiny, but they are so incredibly perfect to us. Seeing that footprint on the left and the handprint on the right reminds me why I want to continue to talk about Taylor. She was a real person. She had life, and she changed mine forever. 



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19 comments :

Emily said...

This post brought tears to my eyes. She was a person, a tiny and perfect miracle. And my goodness, that hand and foot print is PRECIOUS. You should have it made into a necklace or something so you can always have her with you!

Brittney said...

Those prints! What a sweet physical memory of her. Thank you for continuing to share your story. Taylor Grace had a beautiful story in her short time here- and you sharing her story gives her even more of a purpose. So so beautiful.

Janelle Vannice said...

I am so glad you and Parker have something physical to remember Taylor by - what a sweet thing you'll be able to cherish forever and show her younger siblings. How special!

Kate Mitchell said...

Those prints are so incredible! I'm so glad that you have and will have those forever.

Aishlea said...

Oh, look at that sweet little footprint and handprint! Treasures!! Praying for you!

Amy said...

oh goodness.
so many tears.
I'm with you...when tragedy strikes it's like people try to side step it. And while that "works" for some people it doesn't for me. (i put the "s because i don't think it works at all, it's just sweeping it under the rug)
Just like with my parents' death i love talking about them and sharing their lives with others!
Keep talking about your sweet daughter, loving her, remembering her, honoring her...she is precious!

Stephanie said...

That is so great that you were able to get this. I am sure you will cherish that forever. And I agree that we should talk more openly about our struggles. I feel that it can bring about support we never knew existed when we are vulnerable. It is a way for us to connect at a deeper level.

Jen said...

I love the hand print and foot print. So precious. Don't ever stop talking about her. :)

Kenzie Smith said...

Those prints are absolutely precious and I am so glad that you and Parker have them. This post brought tears to my eyes. I know that everyone handles grief differently, and it is hard to know how to go about that. You never know if it is okay to talk about something or if it is best to skirt around it. I am so glad that you are so open about your feelings and your want to remember Taylor Grace and talk about her. You and Parker are such amazing and inspirational people ♥

Sydney Hale said...

Been thinking about you. I lost a baby last year and it was the greatest sorrow Ive ever felt. But that baby made me a Mama. I am forever grateful!
Blessings to you and your family.
Sydney
http://raisingsoutherngrace.blogspot.com/

Emily Stewart said...

Those hand and foot prints are beautiful! I love them and I love talking about Taylor with you! :)

Ashley S said...

Most people do seem to shut out the pain, but I think it is better to remember them and cherish the time you have! Beautiful post and continue to talk about Taylor.

Hana R said...

She brought so much joy to your blog readers too! I know I've really enjoyed reading about your pregnancy with her. Those prints are the most adorable things ever! What a great way to cherish a part of her forever.

Laura {happily ever} Parker said...

Those little prints! I'm so glad you have something tangible of Taylor to treasure forever.

Iulia Gulia @ Best of Baby said...

This is real faith y'all. Real faith.

Bailey Kay said...

That little handprint and footprint are so precious.

Traci@TheHallway said...

Oh my gosh, how much I love this!!! So itty bitty!!

Julie said...

I love that you were able to get those prints made. What a nice little memento for you.

Kirstie said...

That is so amazing that you got her footprints! Your guys' faith is truly amazing and an inspiration.

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