As random as it sounds, I saw Christmas as a pivotal point in our journey to have a baby. I think I've shared this on the blog before, but one of my biggest fears was that Parker and I wouldn't be able to have kids. You never really know until you get to that point, so it was always a concern of mine. We decided to start trying to have a baby in March. I remember thinking "If I'm not pregnant by Christmas, something might be wrong". Obviously everyone is different and some get pregnant by sneezing and others take years to conceive a child. Even knowing this, I knew Christmas would be hard if I looked down at my stomach and didn't see a baby in there.
Here we are. It's Christmas. I can look down at my belly and clearly see there is no baby in there. It's flat. As I look at my body and see there is no other life inside of me, I don't feel any of the emotions of fear and doubt that I thought a childless Christmas would represent. It's quite different. Instead, I know I am a mom. We were given the gift of a child, just like we had hoped and prayed. Our baby is just spending her first Christmas in Heaven instead of in my tummy. God may have taken her home far sooner than Parker and I ever wanted, but he did make us parents this Christmas. Taylor Grace is going to have one awesome first Christmas in Heaven, and we will have a wonderful Christmas knowing she is safe and happy with Jesus while she waits for us to one day get there.
I know waking up Christmas morning and not seeing a big, 6 month pregnant belly like I should be seeing will be hard, but I also know that my empty belly doesn't mean we don't have a baby. We do. We got to become parents this year. God is good. He is good all the time.
I received this ornament from one of my best friend's mother-in-law. Tears flow every time I read it. So beautiful :)