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My Biggest Fear

I heard on the radio a few months ago that all babies are born with two fears: the fear of loud noises and the fear of falling. All other fears are learned. I don't know about you, but I am afraid of more than loud noises and falling. Somewhere between infancy and now, I acquired a few new things to be anxious about. 

I used to say that I hate change. I was talking to Parker the other day about something I was anxious about and again spouted off that I hate change. He quickly pointed out that isn't in fact true. He told me that I didn't actually mind change. I just didn't like the unknown. I sat there and stared at him. He was exactly right. I embrace moving to new places and enjoy meeting new people. I don't mind change if I know it's coming. What I don't like is the unknown, and that is my biggest fear. 

For example, Darla is now the fourth member of our family and has quickly made her way into our hearts, but those who know me know that I was so anxious about getting her. I knew we were helping out a friend, but Darla represented a big fat pile of unknowns. Would she adapt? Would Jenny like having her around? Could we train her to obey our rules? Was it possible for me to ever love her as much as I love Jenny? 
 
There are just so many unknowns in this world that I will never be able to control, and it scares the heck out of me. More than anything, Parker and I want children one day. Will we get that opportunity? Will Parker be protected as he goes on deployment and finds himself in harm's way? Will bad things happen to the ones that we love? These are real fears, real anxieties. The reason I feel anxious about each of these things is because there is a real possibility that each of these fears could become a reality. Church this week was about anxiety, and I was listening with everything I had. This verse is one I know by heart, but it's also one I need to repeat every time I let fear in.
 
"Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God."- Philippians 4:6

Let's look back at the Darla situation. It's been a month since we took her in, and life is just peachy perfect with her around. Jenny loves having a built in buddy. Darla loves having people to love on her. We love seeing how happy she is here and how happy she and Jenny are together. If you've read the story of Darla, you know that I firmly believe she showed up on our doorstep in Florida 2 years ago for a reason. I think there was a reason we were supposed to be a part of her life, and I think God knew all along that we would be taking care of her while her mom is away. Looking ahead, I already know it is going to be so difficult to give her back in a year. Had I just trusted that God had a plan and knew what He was doing, I would have avoided all of the anxiety and lost sleep and arguing I caused. 
 
That's just it though. I like to be in control. I like to know exactly what is going to happen and when it's going to happen. The thing is, when I give God control, He makes the situation more beautiful than the way I imagined it. We now have more love in our home thanks to Darla. The unknowns in the Navy that have seemed discouraging or disheartening have actually turned into huge blessings, and we wouldn't trade where we are or the plane Parker is flying for any other path. God had a plan bigger than our own. All we had to do was trust Him. 

I don't know why it is so hard to trust God, but He continues to give me hundreds of chances to do so. Romans 8:28 is probably the verse I quote most often in my head. "For we know in all things, God works for the good of those who love Him, who have been called according to His purpose". God is working for us. He is on our team. All we have to do is trust Him. 
 



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14 comments :

Lisa C said...

As a fellow military spouse, this message really hits home with me. My husband is on his second deployment, and I worry so much. While I trust in God, I can't help but worry!

Melissa said...

Fears are so commonplace in my life. I'm always had such insane anxiety, and trusting God is not always easy! I'm glad to see you make a constant effort to do so, Chelsea!

Kirstie said...

I hear ya! With My husband's first deployment coming up oh so very quickly I have had a lot of anxiety and fear but the other day I made the decision that I have to take it one day at a time and God will bless us with a safe return. It's just a matter of patience with me ha.

Jen said...

Oh I can relate to this so much! Hugs friend!

Brianna said...

I absolutely, 100% fear the unknown. And I also lean on Philippians 4:6! It's such an amazing Scripture for worriers like me...praying for you, friend!

Brianna
xobriannaleigh.com

Sam @ reddyorknot.blogspot.com said...

Thanks for writing this honest post because I think a lot of us military wives feel like you are saying the words that are in our hearts. I struggle so much with not being in control and not knowing what's next. It is a constant struggle to have faith that everything will work out how it is supposed to. Even though logically I know worrying doesn't do anything productive, my heart just can't get on board!

Bailey Kay said...

I love this post! The unknowns also get me.

Faith Love said...

I'm one also that the unknowns get to me. And even relying on God and knowing he will take control of it. I still worry about it.

Hana R said...

First random thought...my biggest fear is falling on my head. This was a problem in the Marine Corpnwhen tackling things like the obstacle course.
But in all seriousness, I see more with military spouses that have a fear of the I know because this life is full of unknowns. It can be quite daunting. But those verses you mentioned are perfect key verses to keep handy when you start to feel overwhelmed with all the "what ifs" and "what coulds", and everything in between.

Amy said...

I love your honesty here!
I struggle with anxiety myself, and often find myself "not trusting" GOds plan and the unknown...but isn't that what faith is all about? grounding ourselves and trusting without fully seeing. hmm
<3 good thoughts.

Carly Blogs Here said...

I love this post so much and can definitely relate to you. I struggle with anxiety a lot as well, and unfortunately it seems to only get worse the older I get. Recently I've been trying to remind myself to "be still" (Psalm 46:10) & focus on that.

Ashley Bishop said...

I agree with the fear of the unknown. I usually say I fear change, but I'm in your boat. I like the change, I just don't like the unknown.

Renee said...

Hi, Chelsea. Thanks for sharing about your fear. It's one of the biggest battles I face also. When I was young, I woke every morning nervous & afraid. God helped me conquer that. Unfortunately, new fears tend to crop up & each time I must give them to Him . . . So glad He's big enough to guard our hearts!

I'm visiting your sweet blog from the Simple Moments Stick blog link-up. Blessings!

Stephanie said...

Amen sister friend. I love that Philippians verse. I need to hear it ALL.THE.TIME. I framed it and put it in my bathroom since I am a regular passenger on the Anxiety Express Train. I loved what you said "The thing is, when I give God control, He makes the situation more beautiful than the way I imagined it." So true, but yet we often think we can do it better. We just need to let it go!

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