I'm not sure where to begin with a post like this, so I will just start from the beginning. A couple of weeks ago, the doctors became concerned that our little baby was measuring small for her age. They were also concerned because I tested higher than normal for the risk of a chromosomal abnormality called Trisomy 18. We were referred to a high risk doctor so they could get a better look at the baby and take more thorough measurements. We watched our sweet little baby on the ultrasound screen as the doctors took picture after picture and tried to conceal the concern from their faces. As Parker and I grasped onto one another, the doctor held my gaze and told me they were very suspicious of a chromosomal abnormality. They did an amniocentesis to confirm, but the ultrasound showed everything they were looking for in a situation like this. We knew.
We got the call on Monday that our baby has something called triploidy. Instead of having 2 of each chromosome like she should, she has 3 in every little cell of her body. It happened at conception, and there is absolutely nothing Parker nor I could have done to prevent it. It was completely out of our control. The statistics are not pretty. There is a 99% chance I will miscarry her or she will be stillborn. If she is born alive, she will likely die on her birthday. Just like that, our lives were changed forever. The baby we have been praying for, rejoicing over, and dreaming about is the baby we are probably never going to get.
We are absolutely heartbroken and taking it all day by day. We know the hardest days are still to come. Many couples in our situation feel there is a choice to be made when a baby is labeled "incompatible with life". For us personally, we don't see any choices to be made. God is the author of life and death. He gave our baby life, and He will choose to take her home when He is ready. He could still perform a miracle on her, and who are we to deny Him that opportunity? For now, we are rejoicing in the days we do get to carry her and have her with us here on Earth. We don't know how much more time we will get. Our little fighter has already beaten the odds as 2/3 of babies with triploidy die before 15 weeks, and our baby still has a strong heartbeat at 18 weeks.
We don't know why this is happening to us, but we do know that God doesn't make mistakes. Our baby was created in His image, and to Him, she is absolutely perfect. As much as we wish God would make our baby healthy and use us in a different way, we fully believe He chose us specifically for this journey and that He will somehow be glorified through it all. There hasn't been a day since finding out that tears haven't been shed, but God has His arms wrapped around us, and we know He isn't letting go. We may not get to see our baby alive on this Earth, and we wish more than anything that we could, but we know we will see her someday in Heaven. She will be so perfect, so happy, and completely healed.
As you can tell from all of the "shes" and "hers", our little miracle is a girl. Her name is Taylor Grace, and we couldn't love her more.