Today's the day. It's crazy how quickly 9 months has flown by. I remember staring at that positive pregnancy test in August and thinking how far off April 21, 2015 seemed. The day arrived quickly, but a lifetime has passed between that joyful day in August and now.
Today is Taylor Grace Phelps' due date. It was never supposed to look like this. We were supposed to be timing contractions or eating spicy food and walking the ends of the earth just to get labor going. Or maybe we were supposed to be holding a brand new baby because she came early. Whatever was supposed to happen, it wasn't this.
I've said from the beginning that this is a journey, and I still 100% feel that way. There are easier moments and there are hard moments, and today will probably be filled with a lot of the latter. I miss our daughter being in my belly every day, but this is just another day that we have to keep going and hold onto the truth that she is spending another day of eternity with Jesus. We call it her due date. She calls it Day 150 with her Heavenly Father.
I've said this many times, but I would never, ever take this journey back. Taking away the pain would mean taking away the joy, and there was so, so much joy. Those 18w5d of carrying her make all of this worth it, no matter how excruciating days like these are.
He gives and takes away. She was and is the gift that forever changed my life. Sometime's it's hard to see the bigger picture, and on days like today it is especially difficult not to question why we had to go through this, but her short life was divinely planned and divinely purposed. We don't always get what we want in this life, but there are blessings all around us. I got to be a mom, and even on the day of what was supposed to be my daughter's entrance into this world, I am so thankful for that. The joy is worth the pain.
We love you TGP, and we know you are having a fabulous time celebrating your due date in Heaven!