Grieving: It's Different For Everyone | Anchors Aweigh

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Grieving: It's Different For Everyone

I have been really blessed in my life. In 26 years, losing my daughter was the first really difficult loss I ever encountered. But boy, did it hit me like a ton of bricks. There was no way to predict how I was going to handle the grieving process because this was such foreign territory for me. Each day has been another step in this new, unprecedented journey. 

Most of us have encountered loss in our lives, and we all handle it a little differently. I've decided grieving is kind of like eating a Reese's. There's no wrong way to do it. Do you remember those commercials about people eating Reese's Peanut Butter Cups in strange ways with the caption "There's no wrong way to eat a Reese's."? If not, just side step the analogy. In all seriousness though, grieving is an independent journey. 

I recently saw a Facebook status from a woman who suffered a miscarriage. She was essentially scolding those who have chosen to keep miscarriages private, alluding to the fact that they aren't brave enough to admit it to the rest of the world. I really hated that. We are all different people with different personalities. Some of us choose to internalize grief while others heal through outward expression. It's not about the right way to grieve: it's about the right way to grieve for you.

I have been really open about our loss, and that was always my intent. I hoped that some good could come from sharing our story with Taylor, and writing about it has been extremely cathartic. That doesn't mean everyone has to do what I did. There are plenty of people who miscarry children and never tell a soul, and that's okay. 

The point of this post is that I think there is grace in grieving. We all have unique ways of navigating difficult journeys. Sharing versus internalizing has nothing to do with being brave. It's just two different ways of handling things, and I think it's our job to respect rather than criticize. 

We live in a very judgmental, critical world. Go be the difference!





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8 comments :

Janelle Vannice said...

I love this post, and you are so right. Everyone is an individual, and everyone has different processes for doing EVERYTHING. It's important to remember that we don't all have to be the same all the time!

Ech Will said...

Everything you said in this post is so on point. I'm so glad you wrote this!

Stephanie said...

This is wonderful. Every person is holding on to something, whether it is big or small. We have no idea how things may affect another, nor should we expect them to handle it the same way. Thank you for being a light for people!

Bailey Kay said...

I love this post. You're right-- we all are different, so it's no surprise that we all grieve differently.

Jen said...

I absolutely love this post. You are so right, we all grieve differently and over time that way can certainly change. No one can know what another person is going through or feeling. I think it is truly amazing that you wrote this because it can make people think.

Malia Lilinoe said...

Such a great post, I love it. What you said is so true, everyone grieves differently and yes we do live in a very judgemental/critical world. And that's extremely unfortunate, we have so much to learn from each other.

Lisa C said...

You're so right about people grieving differently. I know too many women who have miscarried, and a lot of them don't share the news because they hadn't made an announcement. But they feel isolated because it's hard to share that pain.

TerriS. said...

So very true. A few years ago, I had a miscarriage (we already had a child so this was a miscarriage of our second). I had a "friend" contact the pastor in our church because she felt I wasn't grieving enough. I told the pastor "I watched my childhood friend and her husband bury their stillborn daughter. Having a miscarriage is nothing compared to what they went through". To me, losing a child in the first trimester couldn't compare to the loss of a child while 9 months pregnant. I know not everyone is the same way, which is why I never judge how someone handles grief.

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